I forgot your number today. Or maybe I did a few months back but today I was aware of it. Im not even sure why I was thinking about you. It wasnt any significant day. Or maybe its because this time last year we went to the fresno zoo together. We laughed and laughed and laughed.
Or perhaps its because I forgot what it was like to curl up in your arms or barely remember last summer when you convinced me there was a lake monster in the lake and I clutched onto you. I miss that. I actually can still feel the chill of the water if I remember really hard. But,my minds erased most of you these days.
Why? Im not sure really anymore. Maybe because its a response to pain. I mean after 2 yrs its taken me nearly 9 months to feel remotely normal again. I remember the first 4 months I wasnt working or going to school and forgetting to brush my hair everyday.
Also Mcdonalds and Burger king havent become the main staples in my diet anymore. Ive started remembering I need to take care of myself. Also even though I dont have many friends these days im remembering to socialize with the ones I do have. I actually went out with someone whose really cool a few weeks ago. But,Im not quite ready to date yet.
I wonder where you are exactly,if your still single. Im not sure,I deleted every sign of myself online,well with the exception of this blog. Which I doubt you'll ever find. Im sure people will read this and perhaps they'll be able to relate to not wanting to participate in the world because of the pain of loosing a first love. I mean your not dead,but we re not together. Although there was a death,I died inside the day you walked out.