So I forgot your number...

I forgot your number today. Or maybe I did a few months back but today I was aware of it. Im not even sure why I was thinking about you. It wasnt any significant day. Or maybe its because this time last year we went to the fresno zoo together. We laughed and laughed and laughed.

Or perhaps its because I forgot what it was like to  curl up in your arms or barely remember last summer when you convinced me there was a lake monster in the lake and I clutched onto you. I miss that. I actually can still feel the chill of the water if I remember really hard. But,my minds erased most of you these days.


Why? Im not sure really anymore. Maybe because its a response to pain. I mean after 2 yrs its taken me nearly 9 months to feel remotely normal again. I remember the first 4 months I wasnt working or going to school and forgetting to brush my hair everyday.

Also Mcdonalds and Burger king havent become the main staples in my diet anymore. Ive started remembering I need to take care of myself. Also even though I dont have many friends these days im remembering to socialize with the ones I do have. I actually went out with someone whose really cool a few weeks ago. But,Im not quite ready to date yet.

I wonder where you are exactly,if your still single. Im not sure,I deleted every sign of myself online,well with the exception of this blog. Which I doubt you'll ever find. Im sure people will read this and perhaps they'll be able to relate to not wanting to participate in the world because of the pain of loosing a first love. I mean your not dead,but we re not together. Although there was a death,I died inside the day you walked out.

A blog about blogging...

ok so im reallyyy trying to keep up with this. Actually,since Ive started doing this, Ive come to the conclusion that I want to write a novel. But,I dont want to make money off of it,rather just skip around merrily and pass it around the santa monica pier to everyone,including bums with moustaches.

Im wondering to anyone that reads this, whats your greatest dream in life? like what do you want to do that no one really knows about??

mine is a ninja who writes poetry and novels and lives in a beach house..

first off who wouldnt wanna be a ninja and write? perfect combo and if someone doesnt like your writing you could just slyly use your ninja skills on em.

Its like a dream

Yesterday,I completed my first interview with Disney for their college program. I was nervous and anxious and excited,all of the things you should be when you interview.

In the back of my head I was thinking about how many times I almost let go over the last year. I was thinking about how close I came to giving up on life all together.I was thinking about my ex,who destroyed every dream  I had. I was thinking about all of those people who backstabbed me and hurt me.

I felt strength when it came down to it. I felt like if I could get into this program and go through it and complete it, itd be a dream. Itd make all of the hardships worthwhile and make pulling through all of it seem worth it.

This time last year, I was happy,or so I thought I was. I was engaged to my high school sweetheart. I was living with my best friends,I was blossoming at work and school. I had finally come out of my shell of depression.It was the simplicity of life that I was happy about,it for once wasnt complicated.

Then in July,all of the simplicity came to a hault.It was destroyed and I died inside. My now ex and I broke up and without him I didnt feel strong. I didnt feel like I could go on anymore,we had been together so long that I lost myself in him.Which is a horrible feeling to have.

I drank for the first time in my then 19 yrs of life and I drank to get drunk. I used it as a lubricant to feel something again. It didnt work. I got worse and worse and even dropped out of school temporarily.

Now I think how that time was only 5 months ago and now I feel stronger,happy and able to move foward. Disney,is just the beginning to me conquering the world.
Thanks for Reading,
Mel

Ava Rosemeyer

I came accross a tribute for this little girl by accident...
But,it made me cry. So I decided to share it for the sake of awareness...

                                     Ava Rosemeyer
                                        2003-2007

Welcome

                              Welcome to My blog.
                              And thank you for reading.
                              I decided to redo this, after I figured out the first time around.
                              I didnt quite do what I wanted to do.
                              

General Info-
Im Melanie.
Im 20 yrs old.
I work in Marketing. 
Im a student.


Likes-
Poetry
Volunteering
Meeting People
Quotes
Photography
Randomness
Dancing in the Rain
Self-Expression
Having amazing conversations
Classic Fashion
Weird Hats
Baseball

Dislikes-
The color Orange
People with no compassion
When the weather reaches past 80 degrees


Im not sure what I want this blog to be.
But,I do want it to mean something,to inspire,to reach out to people.


Right now Im currently going through a Disney Internship Process.
So I will keep you all up to date.
Also going through trying to get healthy.=]


Thanks for reading,
Melanie